Witty baubles and homemade wreaths: how to have a fashionable Christmas

Melania Trump has officially killed the twig tree. Silver-sprayed sparse branches were until recently a winning festive look – minimalist-Narnia vibes, a bit abstract, perfect for the Cos-wearer who doesn’t do tinsel – but this year’s Miss Havisham’s attic-themed White House corridor has seen to that. A tunnel of spiky white twigs with all the cosiness of that camping trip from the Blair Witch Project, complete with a lighting concept seemingly based on holding a torch under your chin to freak your little sister out, the Trump twigs went viral as the most joyless decor the White House has ever seen.

On the other hand, hygge is very last year. Curling up in a pair of cable-knit socks, with a spice-scented candle and an earthenware mug of herbal tea prettily arranged on your mid-century sideboard – just next to the bell jars full of shells collected on meditative winter walks – is unspeakably basic in 2017.

Does this really matter? Of course not. You know it, I know it. We’re not fools. But do we care about how our Christmas looks? Of course we do. It’s part of the fun. Keeping up with the Joneses is as much a festive tradition as a Christmas tree. (The Christmas tree itself, in fact, caught on in this country when aspirational Britons copied the fir trees that German-born Prince Albert imported to Windsor Castle in the 1840s.)

The fashionable Christmas starts promptly on 1 December. Hard to believe that Advent calendars were once about poking a finger into a cardboard box for the thrill of looking at a badly printed picture of an angel – how easily pleased we once were! – for such innocent days are long gone. Children, frankly, are the least spoilt catchment area here. A chocolate snowman a day is positively restrained in comparison with the adult versions of luxury Advent calendar, in which each day starts with a tiny bottle of designer fragrance or a miniature of single malt whisky.

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